maybe this is just my tendency to drift through life without giving too much of a shit about anything / inevitable shedding of my youthful idealism / my enviable position in this glorious mess talking, but lately i have been losing the willingness to fight my own impulses much less anything external to myself.
i find the anger that i used to feel when i would read about the latest stupid thing some national government did or the inane opinions of some random person on fox news fading. but it's a different kind of apathy than what i used to feel in college. in fact, i'm not sure i would call it apathy because apathy always carries with it hints of depression for me and i feel more invigorated by the sensation than anything.
the more i think about it, i can't honestly say that i've ever felt in control of anything. and i don't say that with dismay, just a matter of fact.
i don't know if what capitalism is doing to our world is a good thing and i don't plan on finding out in my lifetime. but my friend mel once said "if you aren't nervous and in over your head, you're doing something wrong." well, i'm sure as hell nervous and we are definitely in over our heads, but i'm not sure "another way" exists (easy for me to say).
right now i'm just trying to keep my eyes and ears open and hang on for dear life.
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